The Most Important Trait to Find in a Spouse

found this from MSN… good one!.. just read on…


By the Love Council for iVillage

Want to find long-term love? Then you’re attracted to men who want to be fathers, according to a recent study of college students published in a British scientific journal. More interestingly, you can subconsciously tell which guys fall into that category just by looking at their faces.But if you’re in search of a great mate, you can’t let your subconscious do all the work — you need to involve your conscious mind too. So we asked the Love Council, our panel of experts, to help us determine the single most important characteristic a woman should look for in a spouse. Here’s what they had to say. 

Cathi Hanauer and Daniel Jones : “What are you willing to sacrifice?”

I’d have to narrow it down to two characteristics: sense of humor and sensibility. Because if you’re picking someone to go through life with – through thick and thin, till death do you part – you want it to be someone with whom you can see the world in a similar way; someone you feel good about being a team with.
Chemistry is important too; I won’t lie. But when you’ve just, say, given birth, and you’re exhausted and feeling like you can’t go on another minute, you’ll want someone beside you to make you laugh or to say something profound – not the buff guy who’s being hit on by the drugstore clerk while you’re waiting for him to come back with the Pampers.  

Looking for a spouse is like shopping for real estate: You start with an ideal image – a Victorian house in a college town on a street lined with sugar maples. And then, once you see what’s really available, you start figuring out what you’re willing to sacrifice. The wraparound porch? The sugar maples? Similarly, what are you willing to give up when it comes to finding your ideal guy? The six-foot-minimum height? The Ivy League education?
They’re maddening mind games until you walk into that perfect house and just know. It’s the same in relationships. There is no one thing. It’s a set of looks and personality and compatibility that simply feels right. He may not be what you’re looking for. But he’ll be the one. And his single most important characteristic won’t be what he has alone but what you share together. 

Dr. Sarah Stedman
“This is as close as you can get to a guarantee.”
The trait that instantly comes to mind embodies what is, for me, at the core of all goodness in human nature: integrity. Having that quality means that a person’s outward behavior is a reflection of inner personal values. It means he will honor those values above all else, even when it would be easier to make other choices. A person with integrity also exemplifies qualities of faithfulness, loyalty, honesty and devotion – all essential to building a successful partnered relationship. 

It has been my observation as a Celebrant that couples who embrace these fundamental characteristics in each other also manifest a deep level of trust and spirituality – about as close as you can get to a guarantee where marriage is concerned! 

 Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
“Fasten your seat belts; it isn’t pretty.”
Okay, you romantics out there. Fasten your seat belts, ’cause it isn’t pretty. Want to know what to look for in a man who’ll be around for the long haul? It’s his ability to deal constructively with the conflicts that will inevitably arise in your relationship. “Too mundane,” you say? Well, here are the facts. 

Research tells us that spouses in long-term, happy marriages are not soul mates; they have no more in common than those who divorce. However, veteran marrieds know how to effectively deal with their differences. Managing conflict over parenting styles, sex, money or household chores isn’t easy. But the good news is it’s a skill that can be learned. That’s why couples are now taking relationship-skill-building classes in droves. So, if your hubby prospect is willing to learn what it takes to lovingly work through the hard times? Take heart. He’s a keeper.  

Deb Perelman,
“Know which bones are worth picking.”
As a newlywed of 10 months who spends the majority of her time on cloud nine, I cannot believe these words are escaping my fingertips. And yet I’d be remiss if I didn’t share with you this hair-pulling truth: You shouldn’t settle for anything less than a man you can get in a good occasional scrap with. Why so negative, you ask? Have you seen those couples who don’t fight? They’re a scary lot, all clench-toothed and eyes narrowed when the other one leaves a dish out… again. And then there are those couples who battle all the time. They’re miserable, and so is everyone around them. 

A healthy, happy couple knows which bones are worth picking and when to pick them, and they always have an exit strategy. They take turns being the peacekeeper. They itch for the argument to pass. So forget tall, dark or handsome. A good temperament is what’s really hard to find.


  1. swati goyal said,

    August 9, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    i think money is the most important quality for spouse for indian families…..look when father search the bridegroom for his daughter then first thing he notice in boy that is money. he find that how does he earn…his earning is able or not for our daughter……..? after all this next thing which he notice in boy that is looks, personality….

    • Felicissima said,

      August 10, 2009 at 9:24 am

      Hi Swati,

      Thanks for hanging around. I suppose the concept you mentioned is dependent on the culture of a country. And I understand that.


  2. zodiaclove said,

    October 11, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    I can’t agree with what you said really….
    please explain further a bit more for me ;d


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